December 27, 2006, San Diego, CA
CAT MAULS BEAR; POSSIBLE ATTEMPT TO EAT BRAINS
The fur flew last Wednesday when a soft gray bear was mauled and his cuddly skull ripped apart in a terrible tragedy.
The bear was a Christmas gift and was so young he did not even have a name yet.
“I was thinking ‘Senor Oso Gris’ or ‘Ted E. Bear’ or perhaps even ‘Smokie’ but I guess none of that matters now,” said the bear’s distraught owner Kristy.
Kristy entered her apartment at approximately 2 pm, and like in a scene from a horror movie, found the bear’s head shredded open and his stuffing dripping out.
The alleged perpetrator of the crime is a black and white cat named Tubbs who has lived with Kristy for a number of years. Although his claws and teeth were searched for gray yarn no traces were found. Despite a lack of hard evidence or forensic findings, a guilty verdict was determined based purely on a history of erratic and mentally unstable behavior. As punishment his catnip privileges will be suspended for three days or until he becomes intolerably annoying, whichever comes first.
Tubbs’s brother Crockett, undoubtedly a witness to the accident, issued the following statement: “MMMRrroww”
This is just the latest in a long list of odd behavior from Tubbs. Another disturbing incident occurred recently when he nosed open a purse and vomited deep inside, so the offensive substance was not found until the purse’s owner reached in to extract keys and came out with a liquid surprise instead.
However, why this most recent senseless attack occurred is still a mystery and the subject of much speculation.
“He really likes yarn and likes destroying my things,” Kristy said in an attempt to justify this horrible crime. “Maybe he was pretending to be a zombie and just wanted to play like he was eating brains. Who knows, he’s nuts.”
8 Comments so far
Leave a comment
:O You have a blog! and it’s super girly! HAHA!
By Chris on 08.31.07 2:25 pm | Permalink
Later, Tubbs admitted to being hopped up on dryer sheets at the time of the attack (he likes to lick them, and roll around in their fresh scent), and has agreed to start a program.
By Kristy on 09.01.07 10:06 pm | Permalink
It’s so heartbreaking when what you think is a perfectly domesticated & sweet creature turns so wild and untamed. I’ve seen this sort of thing on Animal Planet. I only hope Tubbs sticks with the program, and doesn’t think he’s Brittney and checks out after a day.
By Laura on 09.04.07 7:24 pm | Permalink
it is important to remember that wild animals of any size can be dangerous . . . no matter how docile they may appear . . .
By ann marie on 09.04.07 8:17 pm | Permalink
I think it’s great that Tubbs is seeking help, and if we can all let him know that we are there for him by supporting Made w/ Luv and other big hearted though not as worthy organizations , then we all should do so.
I think it’s also important to dispel the internet rumour that is making it’s henious rounds: Tubbs was NOT in fact trolling for teddy bear love, and did NOT become enraged and debrain Teddy when he discovered that the bear was actually a tranny posing as an available female stuffed toy. This was purely the act of a dryer sheet addled mind, and any other assumption takes away from the lesson to be learned.
By amy kate on 09.05.07 6:04 am | Permalink
A friend sent this link to me.
I wonder if she was trying to tell me something…
By Emil on 09.05.07 12:59 pm | Permalink
I thought I could stand it, but I’m reeling with the sight of so much carnage. Stuffing everywhere! Why???!!! I. Can’t. Bear. It!
P.S. I bet the dryer sheet habit came about because they were forced on Tubbs by that creepy pusher “Snuggles.” I never trusted that sweet-talking, glassy-eyed, overstuffed mofo. He always made it known that he would get Teddy…no matter what the price.
By Melody on 09.05.07 1:33 pm | Permalink
Thank you for sharing!
By Wahoo on 10.06.07 1:02 am | Permalink
Leave a comment