I know the holidays can be a rough time for you single ladies out there- seeing all the couples with their matching Christmas sweaters pair off at all the parties can make you feel extra lonely. Watching them kiss under the mistletoe while you are all alone in the corner, stuffing fudge in your purse to take home to enjoy later while watching Sex and the City reruns is no way for a beautiful woman to spend the holiday season.

I am Crockett, and I am the answer to your prayers.

As you can see, you can take me out on the town- I dress up so very well. Call me and I will be your companion for your work functions, family affairs or simply if you’d like to take me to an enemy’s party and show me off, rubbing your good fortune in her stupid fat face. I’ll never tell- only you and I will know the truth of how we met.

Or maybe it’s not the party scene that leaves you cold, maybe it’s coming home to an empty apartment night after night, with no one to lick the back of your hands or leave warm, comforting fur all over your pillow. Well, that’s fine, m’lady, I am just as happy in front of the fire as I am out on the town. We will curl up on your sofa and I will keep you company as we watch Love, Actually and you weep softly. I will be your Colin Firth, as we need no common language to unite us.

A few facts you must know before we begin- I love cuddling, shedding and following you to the bathroom. I dislike the vacuum, being ignored and an unkempt litter box.

So ladies, if you are ready to end your crushing loneliness just give me a shout. If you have a friend in a similar predicament we can introduce her to my brother Tubbs. He may vomit in her purse but after that it’s all cuddles, all the time.   

Uggos or freaks need not apply.

Yours in love and magic,
Crockett