My friend Laura recently started making sock monkeys, and their darling little faces made me want to write a haiku in their honor:

Monkeyface cuteness
socks too sweet to put in shoes
have a banana

Get your own monkey at Laura’s etsy store by clicking here!

I was eating dinner the other night and it was so good I had to put on my beret and write a poem about it. However, I was in a fog of cheese-induced laziness so I downgraded the ambition of my passion to a Haiku:

Delicious orange cheese
Your tub never disappoints
Spoon of wheat completes

Okay, I don’t know what the plan of action is at Trader Joe’s, but they are making more mistakes than George Bush and Paula Abdul put together.

In my humble opinion, the real jewel in the crown of Trader Joe is the freezer section, where you are able to find many delights to soothe your gourmet addled palate. What could be better than gourmet food that you can freeze until jonesing, then defrost and savor in organic/vegan/vegetarian goodness? Nothing is better, I tell you, nothing! The myriad of delicacies studding the ample freezer case would paint a perfect picture, were it not for a dirty, evil tendency of Trader Joe. He revels in surprising you with deliciousness; smiles over you as you fantasize of orgasmic movie night food, waits until you are lulled into a glowing state of noshing security, than SHAZAAM ! He arbitrarily discontinues an item that you have learned it is impossible for you to exist without.

I smirked when Stef lost her beloved Soba noodle bowl, not really feeling her pain. I commiserated with her when she mourned the loss of her red mole sauce, but still really did not think it could happen to me, well, SHAZAAM ! I, sweet, trusting I floated to the freezer section last week, all a tingle with dreams of stockpiling boxes and boxes of my beloved lettuce wraps, manna from heaven to get me through the rough patch of eating light and healthy at lunch time til I lose 15 pounds. Well, Joe, that dirty bastard, had other ideas. It took a while for the realization to sink in. I kept trolling, trolling, before I started to get the sneaking suspicion that old Trader Joe was looking on from the surveillance system chuckling and rubbing his raspy little palms together.

Snatched from the freezer case of my life forever are my beloved, beloved lettuce wraps. The stock boy was unable to explain the motives of Joe, merely shrugging and saying that his ways are varied and mysterious. Well, not in those exact words, but to be honest, in my grief, he could have said anything, all I could hear was a roaring in my ears and belly. And so, as has become the custom, I offer you a haiku, in honor of the dearly departed. It’s all I can do, and stage number 4 of the grieving process.

Vanished from the frost
Extinct jewel of yum
Lunch, my tummy, robbed

Trader Joe’s has this awesome yummy bowl that I love to eat for lunch. It’s a Vegan Soba Noodles bowl and it is a totally spicy sesame deliciousness. Plus, it’s a wee 200 calories, but totally filling. Guess what Trader Joe’s did? Yep, discontinued it! Thanks a lot pals. While wallowing in my sadness at the news I decided to pour my pain into a Haiku:

Sesame goodness
Strong flavor fills me up nice
Goodbye to fresh breath